Finland doesn't work

Helsinki central metro station. Closed for months due to huge cock-up.

Actually Finland works rather well in many respects, but not nearly as well as its boosters would have you believe. I’ve noticed over the years how the BBC tends to portray Finland as techno-social-democratic-nirvana, the Guardianista’s wet dream. This portrayed perfection is often used as a foil to Daily Mail-worthy moans about how bad things are in the UK: “why can’t Britain be more like Finland?” the correspondent opines during his or her 24 hr reporting trip to downtown Helsinki where they are shown about by the press officers from the Ministry for Foreign Affairs.

A long wait at -15 for a tram that isn't coming

This is a major difference between Britain in Finland – in the UK most people are conditioned to resolutely refuse to believe that anywhere else in the world could be worse than ole’ Blighty, whilst Finns are taught to believe that there is nowhere that could be better. But the Finnish press and government love to bathe in that reflected glow of just how astoundingly good they are seen to be at everything, and then in turn send those smooth vibes back out to the world in their tourist and international trade and investment marketing.

Crashed train at Helsinki Station, via HS International

So when things don’t work the cognitive dissonance is severe. The British media is full of stories questioning why the country can’t operate smoothly in the once-in-30-year-conditions of snow, ice and temperatures into the minus 20s. The obvious answer would seem to be that it happens once every 30 years so it would be ridiculous to invest to deal with something so rare. Build a snowman, have fun on the sledge and wait for the inevitable thaw. But the pundits have to ask “if Helsinki and Moscow can deal with these temperatures, why can’t London?” But another answer is that Helsinki can’t deal that well with these temperatures either. I’ve walked the last mile to work for the last two days because the bloody trams keep derailing or breaking down because of the snow. Trains services have been also badly affected by the weather and these problems have been made even worse by the damage done by a runaway train that on Monday smashed into Helsinki central railway station – after its failsafe systems, well… failed (if you haven't seen it - check this video out).

The central metro station is still closed months after it was flooded by the a burst water main. It never should have flooded because the water mains were inside a separate concrete tunnel to prevent exactly that disaster. The only problem was that someone drilled a series of large holes through the protective wall for what appears to be imbecilic reasons – in fact so imbecilic that as one distraught expert put it, this is the sort of thing that only happens in "other countries". Meanwhile Finnish politicians show themselves to be, on average, as venal and corrupt as politicians in other countries, and no one seems to suggest that the minister of interior who has served in that role for a period of time that has seen three mass shootings should perhaps consider her position. And just to chuck in a few more recent stories; the food is rotten, the kids are anti-social little gits, the doctors aren't real, nurses keep murdering their patients and the weather is getting crappier. So overall, Finland – it’s a bit rubbish. Just like everywhere else really.

But go for a walk on a quiet lake, and you'll feel better.